No longer

 

I am no longer
torn to pieces
by your death
my love.

Of course it hurts
and it will hurt
as long as I may live.

But more than pain
my love
is what we shared
from heart to heart.

And that
can never die
as long as we
that now go on
without you
cherish
who you were
and what you gave,
received.

The way you looked at me
...
'Miss Darkeye'
(you remember
do you not
and smile
in dear remembrance),

your hand touching my skin

the thought of that
still brings sweet pain,
but sweetness greater now
than pain
the balance swung
to better
equilibrium,

your voice speaking my name

the thought of love
now makes me smile
though tears still
sometimes
run their course
along my face

the scent of you
sometimes I can't remember
but feel consoled;
the bottles with that scent
without the perfume of your skin
your soft warm skin
against my skin

sweet memory of nearness
and intimacy
...
the bottles with the sent
you often wore
are still within my reach
while you are not
my love
not anymore
but in sweet memories
and dreams.

I miss you still
but with less pain
and sweeter memory
and gratitude
for what you contributed
to the man I am today

and with some hesitation
but with greater trust
I say those old, old words:

Until we meet again,
my love,
(somewhere, some-when
if that turns out
to be reality)
until we meet again
may God keep you
and cherish you
in loving hands.

Goodbye, my love,
goodbye.

 

 

(29 juni 2016, 's morgens)